Falling for someone

It's often hard to discover whether someone is LGBT+ or not, especially if they're not out or are trying, like many LGBT+ Traveller and Roma to hide their sexuality because they're scared or uncomfortable with who they are.

This doesn't make the job of finding a boyfriend or girlfriend very easy, especially if you're keeping your sexuality or identity a secret too.

Here's some tips to help:

  • Firstly, have faith in yourself and don't put yourself down. Why shouldn't someone be interested in you? Having a positive attitude makes good things more likely to happen.

  • It sounds obvious, but the best way to find something out about the person you like is to get to know them and spend time with them.

  • If you like someone who you haven't been introduced to yet, think of ways you can get talking. Perhaps you have a friend in common who could introduce you, maybe you've heard that you share a hobby or interest, music, films or you both get invited to some of the same parties and events. Put a friendly smile on your face and find an excuse to get talking!

  • Whether it's an existing friend or someone you've just met, if you want to know if they are gay or how they feel about you, look at the way they behave toward you. You might find they behave differently when you are alone together, especially if they are not openly gay to the majority of their friends. Are they more tactile when you're alone together? Do they seem more relaxed? Is conversation flirty or focused on topics that test the water? These could all be signs of their romantic interest.

  • If you are feeling brave you could ask the person you like if they are gay and/or if they like you. This can be a very scary thing to do, especially if you haven't told anyone before that you are gay. The person you like may tell other people about what happened, so think carefully before you take this step. Still, if it's a good friend you are interested in, and you feel strongly that there's a chance he/she may like you too, it might be the only real way to make something happen.

  • Don't get stuck in a rut, guessing about someone for years. You will be missing out on other people who might like you. If you never seem to get anywhere with the person you like, it might be time to move on.

  • Try not to be disappointed if the person you like isn't interested or isn't gay. It's not because of you or anything you have done. You can't force someone to be interested, and sometimes the chemistry just doesn't happen. There's someone out there that it will happen with.